A short novel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 This is a story I wrote a long time ago. At that time, I was discussing with a few friends about Jay Chou's song "Qi Li Xiang" and the movie "You Are the Apple of My Eye". Suddenly, I was inspired and wanted to write my own story! So, I gathered many unforgettable experiences from our youth and compiled them into this short story.

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Recently, I watched the movie "Shakespeare in Love," which unexpectedly moved me and brought back countless memories of things I thought I had long forgotten. These memories were like fragments, filled with both joy and heartache, happiness and sadness. But no matter what, they always ended with a tinge of regret...

Shakespeare experienced a thrilling and passionate love affair, which inspired him to write the timeless masterpiece "Romeo and Juliet." Love gave him boundless energy, as he said, "After you give love, it doesn't diminish, but instead increases a thousand fold!" The female protagonist in the movie portrayed it even better. Despite being from an affluent family where she lacked nothing, she yearned for a passionate love that would make her willing to sacrifice everything, even her own happiness, and even if it meant sacrificing her life.

Love is indeed magnificent. It surpasses worldly wealth, fame, and status, making people willing to give up a comfortable life and forsake all other pleasures, yet still find solace in it. The more you give, the more you receive, completely different from the calculations of the world. I also yearn for such love and have encountered it before. I believe she would be the Juliet of my life.

It all began in that spring when I saw the beautiful girl from the class next door... At the time, I was just a freshman in high school, and life was quite simple. All I wanted was to study hard to get into a good university because my ambition was to become an entomologist. I thought high school would pass by uneventfully for three years, but when I met her, my world suddenly turned upside down, and I lost my sense of direction completely! Even now, recalling that situation still gives me a sense of lingering fear because it was the first time I experienced such a powerful impact, and it all came from that girl alone!

I had liked a few other girls before, and I knew what it felt like to be in love. The sweet feeling of talking to the girl I liked was deeply etched in my heart. But when I encountered the girl from the class next door, that feeling was incomparable to anything in the past! It was like comparing a small stream to the vast ocean!

She somewhat resembled Vivian Hsu, and that's why I had her albums before Vivian Hsu became famous. Even though Vivian Hsu was already considered very pretty, this girl's face was even more attractive! Even today, I can't find any girl more beautiful than her. Her beauty wasn't just external; it emanated from her elegant temperament. Her beauty surpassed any words or descriptions, but the moment you laid eyes on her, you would understand how truly beautiful she was! I used to think that the phrases "a smile that can charm a city" and "a beauty capable of causing fish to sink and wild geese to fall" taught in Chinese class were exaggerated, but none of those idioms were sufficient to describe her beauty!

Perhaps I had a premonition of the changes she would bring, so when I first saw her, I tried desperately to convince myself not to have any connection with her. She was dangerous and conflicted with my aspirations of attending university. I remember my friends in that class telling me she was "wicked and mischievous," and her attire not only violated school regulations but her skirts were much shorter than other girls'. She didn't seem like a good girl who would support my university ambitions (even though her legs were long and perfect, and she looked great in short skirts). However, beyond her wild dressing and behavior, I also sensed purity in her eyes... It seemed like she possessed extreme contradictions simultaneously, but those extreme qualities appeared harmonious in her! Perhaps that was the most charming aspect of her!

Although I constantly suppressed my feelings for her, I would unconsciously pay attention to her. I remember during the spring break, when my friends and I went to play billiards, she happened to be there too. I became completely restless whenever she was out of my sight. It was then, with the reminder from my friends, that I finally realized I had already fallen for this girl, and I was in too deep to extricate myself!

During that spring break, even though I was far away at my grandparents' house in Changhua, my thoughts were consumed by her. Especially when I listened to The Grasshopper's "ABC," a song I shared with my cousins, I felt an urge to write her a love letter! In fact, that album by The Grasshopper was made specifically for me because every song expressed my emotions at the time. "Rumors" conveyed my belief in her, believing that beneath her rebellious appearance, she had a pure and adorable heart. "Tonight I Really Miss You" expressed my deep affection for her, while "Pink Telephone" expressed the urgency of missing her. These songs eased my anxious feelings, allowing me to calm down and finally write a love letter to her...

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After spring break, in order to see her more often, I started going to the billiards hall every day after school. But before that, I would go to the post office across from the school to withdraw money and sneak a glimpse of her from the second floor of the post office. However, what I saw there broke my heart. There was a guy who actually had his hand on her shoulder! I could only pray with all my heart that he wasn't her boyfriend...

I had already written my love letter, but I lacked the courage to give it to her. Every time I approached her, I couldn't bring myself to hand over the letter. This went on for a long time. Fortunately, my friend gave me a great suggestion: to put the love letter in her drawer when no one was around! My friend even took me to buy flowers, so I bought an orange rose and put it in her drawer along with the letter early the next morning.

When school ended that day, I saw her holding the flower I had given her. It touched me deeply because she didn't throw it away. She was willing to take it home!

As I pondered how to make a further confession, I never expected that a harsh test from fate awaited me. One day after school, while I was on the second floor of the post office across from the school, I saw her waiting at the school gate. After a few minutes, a handsome senior on a motorcycle suddenly arrived, and she got on his motorcycle, placing her hands on his waist. The expression on her face seemed so happy, and it was evident that this senior was her boyfriend... I watched them leave, completely stunned and unable to think straight. It took me a few minutes to decide that I needed to go home immediately. But as I wandered aimlessly on the way home, I ran into a friend from the class next door, and he told me even worse news! Apparently, he recently saw the girl I liked with her boyfriend at the billiards hall, and he witnessed them being quite intimate... Hearing this deeply stirring description, I felt completely shattered! And yet, this wasn't even the worst part...

The worst part was a few days later when I witnessed it with my own eyes!!! I saw that senior guy hugging her tightly one moment and then placing his hand on her thigh the next. And she kept leaning her head on his shoulder... I felt so discontented in my heart, but there was nothing I could do. After all, they were already a couple...

I excelled academically in class, and as long as I continued to perform well, I had confidence in getting into a national university and becoming an outstanding biologist. My future was much brighter than these ignorant seniors at the billiards hall. However, at this moment, I had no confidence at all! Without love, what meaning did the future hold for me? No amount of wealth or opportunities would have any value to me! For the sake of being with this girl, I was willing to sacrifice everything, even my own life! If she didn't like me, then no matter how good a life I had, it would be meaningless!

But this rival of mine completely occupied her heart, stripping away all meaning from my life. When he held his cigarette and focused on aiming the cue at the target ball, the smoke rising from the fiery ember at his mouth finally obscured his face... Within the pervasive smoke, I suddenly realized that those were the eyes of a devil! He was the demon who deliberately wanted to take away all my happiness! Otherwise, why would I be utterly defenseless, even though I thought I had read so many books and understood so much? Why would I easily dismiss all my past beliefs and values, until I became a worthless wreck?

But even if I couldn't fight back, I wouldn't surrender. For the sake of love, I would fight until the last soldier remained! This senior was a legendary pool king, reportedly able to bet and win against the best players at the billiards hall, just like in the movies. It's no wonder he could win over the girl I liked. I accepted that, but I wanted to challenge the legend. I wanted to take his place as the pool king, and I wasn't just saying it! I had over ten thousand dollars in savings at the bank, and I spent it all on playing billiards in just two months! I didn't study as diligently as before, using the time I should have spent studying and going to cram school to play billiards instead!

As a result, I deviated further and further from my original goal of attending high school. Seeing myself heading towards darkness and destruction, yet unable to stop myself, filled me with fear... I wished my parents or teachers could help me, but I didn't know how to ask for help... During that time, our class teacher also violently assaulted the class president of the neighboring class over a trivial matter, completely disappointing me and driving me further into a downward spiral!

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I have too many questions and uncertainties in my heart. The familiar environment has become so unfamiliar that it scares me. I feel like a blind person, completely lost in the dark abyss. I know she already has a boyfriend, but my feelings for her remain strong. I can't help but feel that she is the one and only for me. It's as if I have waited for millions of years just to meet her at this moment, because my heart tells me that she is destined to be the girl I spend my life with. I'm like a small droplet, destined to merge into the vast ocean of her heart. That is my ultimate destination. But if my intuition is right, why does she already have a boyfriend? Why does she still feel so distant?

Could it be that fate is pushing me towards an irreparable state? Is it meant to completely strip me of self-confidence? I had the support of my family and teachers, allowing me to prepare for university in a comfortable and happy environment. But now I find myself suddenly trapped in a completely unfamiliar jungle, cut off from everyone, and facing fierce beasts coming at me. I dare not imagine the future anymore because in this terrifying jungle, I don't know how long I can survive. I am willing to take risks for love, no matter how dangerous or terrifying they may be, I will forge ahead. But where is love? The girl I like, her heart belongs entirely to someone else, and that is the root of all my problems. I don't know what to do.

At that time, Annie Yie released a new song called "The fairy Who Fell to the Mortal World," which reminded me that perhaps she is an angel who descended from heaven. With her beauty and graceful temperament, she doesn't belong to this ordinary world. So, I believe that she, like me, is trapped in this fearful jungle. Often when I see her walking alone, her eyes carry a hint of helplessness and loss, which makes me feel compassion. I must help her, so that her beautiful face only bears smiles, not sadness. I want to lead her out of this chaotic jungle, out of the abyss, back to the original world, and pursue our happiness together. Maybe that's the purpose of my coming here. I deeply believe it.

My family also began to worry. During the summer vacation, they tried various ways to transfer me to a better high school. It was a good choice because I've always wanted to escape from all the chaos. Going there would allow me to forget all the heartbreaking experiences and return to a life centered around studying. Moreover, the girls there are beautiful, and like me, they all hope to continue their education in university. So, perhaps I will meet a better match and find true happiness... Thinking about it, I refused my parents' good intentions and chose to work at a Japanese restaurant, saving more money to learn billiards. Because she is truly important to me, even if life becomes tougher, I can't leave her! Without her, everything is meaningless! I absolutely won't leave unless she leaves with me! I want to sharpen myself through work experience, becoming stronger than my rival! And whenever there is an opportunity, I am ready to replace him and pursue her, making her my girlfriend!

After the school started, I learned that the aforementioned senior had previously abandoned her for another girl, further increasing my disgust towards my rival. Especially when the new semester began, I found myself in the same class as my rival (it turns out he repeated a grade), and I witnessed firsthand his disrespectful attitude towards the girl I like! Once, when she was waiting for him outside after school, he threw all the stationery items on his desk out of the window one by one, and with a mocking look, he watched her diligently pick them up and put them away. I was filled with anger! She is your girlfriend! How can you treat her like that? Why can't you even show basic respect for others? In my heart, she is as noble as a goddess, and if you can't resonate with that, then you are not worthy of being her boyfriend! At that moment, I wanted to punch him in the face, but for the sake of long-term plans, I swallowed my anger and pretended it didn't happen. I even passed answers to him during exams, because it wasn't appropriate to confront him directly at that moment. When the time is right, I will defeat him on the billiards table, shattering his legendary status. That's when my counterattack will truly be powerful!

My determination to defeat my rival is stronger than ever! I continue to go to the billiards hall and even started getting custom-made stylish uniforms like those delinquent students! In class, I either sleep or chat with classmates, completely ignoring what the teacher says! I even skip classes frequently. Basically, I have become a rebellious student who disregards the concerns of my family and teachers while accommodating my enemies and their allies. I often feel guilty because I am going against those who care about me, but how can I have love if I don't do this? How can I save the girl I like and help her escape from that despicable jerk?"

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Everything was going according to plan, but unexpectedly, things didn't go as planned. I performed poorly on the midterm exam, ranking third to last in the class. The drastic drop in my grades infuriated my teacher, and from then on, I couldn't just slack off anymore.

Afterward, the pressure imposed by my teacher left me feeling resentful and indignant. However, if it weren't for their active involvement, I might not even have a chance at a university education now! I truly should thank them, especially for not giving up on me during my worst moments.

That rival of mine was expelled after the semester ended, transferring to a lower-ranked school. However, I still didn't have a chance because he continued to pick up the girl I liked every day after school. So I could only silently admire her, especially during the choir competition, watching her conduct the class in singing "Capri Island" from the music textbook. How I wished to explore that beautiful island together with her, like being in paradise! Although it would forever remain a dream for me, being able to appreciate her limitless beauty at this moment is enough. Seeing her earnestly read the sheet music, leading everyone's voices with angelic gestures, reveals that her musical talent has reached an extraordinary level.

In fact, my understanding of her wasn't wrong. While others saw her eccentric or exaggerated attire, I saw her genuine side, just like her unwavering dedication to music. She was also very faithful to her boyfriend, even though that scoundrel had abandoned her before. She still stuck by his side, allowing him to return to her after his other relationships failed. Beneath her rebellious appearance, she was genuinely pure, fully living up to my initial impression of her! If she also liked me, we would undoubtedly make a great pair because we both yearned for an intense, life-devoting love! The problem is, she doesn't like me but rather that playboy who treats love as a game.

As time passed, my plan of resistance became increasingly unrealistic. Therefore, I tried to forget, to find new objects of affection, but no matter what, I couldn't recreate that feeling... Luckily, high school is only three years long, and soon I can escape from this place and completely forget about the past in a brand new world!

Not long after graduation, I encountered my rival again with a group of friends in the examination hall of a night school. He wore a dejected expression and told me that he had failed to get into university! I secretly rejoiced because my joint college entrance examination scores were estimated to be good enough for a reputable national university. Seeing his failure and my success, I felt relieved to finally break free from those days of lacking confidence and dignity. Now, I wanted to completely cut ties with him. I aimed to apply to the best schools and departments, and from then on, we would be people from two different worlds. There would be no further connection!

However, after entering college, there was one instance where I wandered around for a long time in a certain cram school on Nanyang Street just because I heard that she attended classes there. I hoped that fate would allow me to catch a glimpse of her, as I had never loved someone so deeply before. It was hard to believe that it wasn't predestined. But still, I didn't encounter her.

As college activities increased, I gradually succeeded in forgetting, just as I had hoped, leaving the past behind entirely. Before long, I found myself liking a new girl, thinking that my destiny was about to change!

To my utter surprise, the tragic fate was not ending but rather just beginning! From then on, every time I liked a girl, a man like that despicable rival would always appear, stealing my happiness time and time again! Each time, I thought it was just a coincidence, that this time I would find love. However, worse rivals would emerge, leaving me more and more disappointed. My academic performance and quality of life were affected just like in high school. The heartbreak of the past seemed to endlessly repeat itself. Meanwhile, my cousin got married, and nearly all my high school classmates were married as well. Only I couldn't overcome the difficulties of that time. Is there truly no way for me to escape?

Girls always seem to like the type of bad guys that their families despise. But if I'm not that bad, do I have to learn to be bad in order to be liked? Do I have to spend every break smoking in the restroom, uttering foul language nine out of ten times, playing mahjong until everything is a blur, and engaging in complicated romantic affairs just to be accepted? From the classic novel Wuthering Heights to recent films like Andy Lau’s "A Moment of Romance," it seems that bad guys always have more style, while good guys can only be supporting characters in love stories. Is this the reality?

Isn't love supposed to bring more when you give more? Why do I feel that the more I give, the more I get hurt? My cousin said love should bring joy and happiness, but why do I always have more sadness than happiness? So much so that I have to avoid emotions altogether. I truly wish to experience a love affair without interference from rivals, where love is a pure matter between two people. Why can't we just focus on each other?

From the past to the present, I have always hoped to have a simple love rather than being consumed by anger. Shakespeare said, "A kiss can defeat a thousand rivals." Perhaps, when you don't receive genuine feelings from the other person, no matter how hard you try, it's pointless. Just like how I wasted so much time in this lifetime trying to change myself to fit the type of girl others like, yet still couldn't escape the recurring scenes of heartbreak. When I saw the smug face of my rival in high school, I made a vow, "As long as I can replace him and make the girl I like my girlfriend, even if I can only live for a day, I'll gladly accept it!" But now, my thoughts have changed. If I can truly find my Juliet in life, someone who is willing to love me as intensely as I love her, someone who genuinely accepts my personality and values, then I want to live for a very, very long time because I desire to be with her forever. I want to be by her side, taking care of and protecting her, making her feel incomparable happiness.